What IS going on in there??

We are at 31 weeks now, and it is certainly getting more interesting! and even more of a question, "Baby, what ARE you doing in there?"
From early on I've been following two different websites for insights to fetal development and weekly changes. My FB profile pic is updated regularly with each graduation to comparable fruit and vegetable size (this week "they say" we are at about the equivalent of 4 naval oranges, or 2 1/2-3lb) Wow.
(Admittedly I do sometimes wonder who came up with these analogies, whether these are organic or conventional fruit, and where I can find my stepdaughter an organic mango larger than a spaghetti squash? because she would lose her mind with happiness).
Beyond size, consider the development of tissues and organs. Truly miraculous as the embryo, fetus and human follow a pre-set mammalian path of development. Gills come and go, the tail quickly disappears, the determination of which cells go on to become baby versus placenta is "just a matter of location" ?Really? Kind of brings back the question of how did that ONE sperm get selected? Is it totally chance? is there some "great aura" that drew egg and seed together? Directed by Spirit? Did all the deceased great grandparents nudge their wishes? Was it Karma? Soup of the day?
And after things are rolling, to consider relative stages of development as this human is making their way to being independently viable; heart is beating, kidneys are working, lungs are developing....Incredible. As an alternatively minded medical practitioner I amuse myself with such things as, "We are ramping up myelination this week, better increase the good fats! More coconut, more avocado, more fish oils, yum!" "This week eyes are underway, more blueberries!"
And when we wanted to go out on a last big date before the baby comes, I researched long and hard to determine if the baby could hear yet, as Bassnectar only plays at notoriously high decibel levels. Once I had cleared it that what the baby would experience would simply be one AWESOME massage, but their ears were weeks from being developed enough to even hear my heartbeat, we rocked out (and it was a darn good groove).
The first baby belly bean movements were seen before they were felt, and I have to confess, seeing the baby move on the ultrasound was mindblowing. Sure, we had made love with a purpose and I had missed a period and I know enough basic science to know there was a baby in there, but to SEE it. Breathtaking. and then to see it move! eeesh, made me feel a little more queasy...
Hearing the heartbeat? I cry EVERY time. The little bird pitterpat is only slightly slower than it was in the beginning, add movement and I can tell you a lot about how fun this kid is going to be already. Just this last visit as the Midwife was pressing in with the fetoscope, it was hilarious as we could watch the baby punch/kick back every time she pushed into my belly. Ah, you silly baby! Already you perk up and squirm when we laugh, which is awesome. And you respond when your siblings are speaking nearby, or snuggling. And the happiness when your Papa is close! Wiggling wriggling joy.
I felt movement pretty early on, we credit it with my slimness. You can even SEE the movement across my belly!  I really enjoy just kicking back and watching my belly move, especially the afternoons sessions. It is better than television. I hadn't even considered it, but a dear friend said after their first pregnancy she really missed feeling the little guy in her belly. Except for when there is an elbow in my liver, or more recently baby feet tap dancing on my bladder, I can see how that nearness and dearness is so uniquely special and would be missed!
We like to joke about what IS going on in there, earlier when there was more room it literally felt like the baby was swimming laps right to left, and back again, kick turns and all (ooph that does NOT feel right, the uterus is oblong, right? so there are positions that can only be good for stretching as the baby is surely across the diagonal and I find myself holding my breath until it snaps back to in-line.) There was one walk where I said "Oh just stretch out already!" and that baby did, I felt poking at both the right and left sides of my abdomen, as if they were stretching arms overhead and legs out...ooooh weird...and I gave it 30 seconds before I burst out laughing and had to say "Enough! enough!"
Lately it's been more hiccups and some head spins and varied breakdancing moves, but less as the space gets tighter. Amazing.
The movements outside the body are an interesting feedback interaction as well, we were riding bikes a couple months ago and as I stood up on the pedals of the one speed to get up the hill, rocking back and forth with the effort, I got to the top and stopped to let the kiddos catch up and then noticed my belly was continuing the compensated rocking! Hilarious. We love dancing at our house too, it helps ease the tension in my widening hips, and I imagine the baby likes the rocking. I also read research saying the babies of mamas who danced during pregnancy had better balance after they were born, win-win! So movement, quiet, my comfort, laughing, singing; all of these feed into the baby's growth, in addition to adequate vitamins and nutrients, cookies (&note to self: more vegetables). Growing growing growing.
Now we are into the last trimester and I have learned the baby's brain will be developing and growing by 400-500% in the next few months.
Whoa.
Second thought was "Oh crap this means their head is getting 4-5x bigger and that is what needs to be squeezed out"...Ok breathe, deep exhale, this is good, this is important, tissues are stretchy for this reason, no problem (my bet in the betting pool is 7.5 pounds for selfish reasons, as well as that is the size the father and I both were at birth).
First thoughts went like this, "How much do the energetics and thoughts in my own environment influence this cognition potential? How can I help support the optimal brain development and smartness that I know the kid has the genetic predisposition for? The kindness and creativity? How can I support their calm and compassion by my thoughts, surroundings, even what I say or read or feel?"
Wild.
So then (and only I can ask this, hear me now-I will shoot lazers out my eyes at anyone else who dares ask it)
We (I) can wonder "What is going on in there?" in relation to my changing mind, and developing emotional heart. (Pregnancy brain is a real and dangerous thing, but like with PMS, DO NOT ASK A WOMAN if that is the problem. Give her extra room and don't take it personally!)
Being pregnant has shifted my priorities for sure, many many things are more clear and simple. Part of it is being tired and hungry, while I could notice those signals and defer them a calculated amount prior to being "in the family way", now it is non-negotiable. The hunger signal has about a 5 minute warning, and then my vision turns red and I start gnawing on my husband, or whatever edible is nearby.
Also it has resulted in the shifting of focus at work, bless my patients for their patience! I will no longer stay up late or work through the weekend to get a plan finished. It can wait, they can wait and it will be a better plan once I have rested and eaten. Most recently I had to admit defeat on the challenge given me by one of my colleagues, "What is one last project you'd like to work on before you go on leave?" And I had worked up an outline of a research article that I would love to write, and one day will, but two days ago I realized (with the help of a dear friend, who is a working mother of two) "I'll decide for you", she says, "just say no thanks!" Finally I admitted, there is plenty of time for research papers and what all later, this is the only time I will be pregnant with this baby, right now.
So,
I am not taking on ANY MORE PROJECTS before this baby is born. Phew! I just want to be pregnant for the last two months! I need to tend my patients, I need to wrap up the class I am teaching, and interesting metaphor~I need to clear the office papers out of the baby room, rather than add any more "office" to "baby space".
So the projects are baby related, self-care related, making time to watch movies with my family at home, my Mom at her home and siblings before there is a baby distracting me.
In the emotional realm I had a couple tough and necessary projects that I am still working through, and I credit the pregnancy with fueling the need for those, and softening my brain and heart enough that I can be adaptive in new solutions to old challenges.
One was around connecting with challenging family members. I've decided there's not much else I want to talk about with my dear old Dad, except how much we love our family, each other, my family, family family family and how much we love this baby, I think as a focal point it could last us happily the rest of our lives.
The other was/is much harder about disconnecting with challenging family members and related to the no new projects, how about no more ongoing futile projects either? Which involved facing the truth that I have been maternal probably my whole life. I love easily and have a lot of love to give. I feel like I understand what people need to feel cared for and there is something rewarding about feeling helpful. Doesn't everyone need a mom? and in the past perhaps I had more extra energy for this, I think possibly I just had worse boundaries. In any case, I ran into a disappointing conversation with another family member...who told me that now that I am married with kids &pregnant I am "always distracted", and he "doesn't like the disconnect". That I am now less available, and he doesn't like it, like it's not okay with him... which interestingly enough is not okay with me.
In preparing for motherhood, dealing with my own issues and lessons, with caring for small children and learning to balance that with my work, and then now being pregnant and the refining of energy focus, I don't have time for someone else's rants and complaints. That is what a therapist is for, and I am not his therapist.
He simply couldn't take responsability for his words and actions, could only petulantly complain and
Bless all our inner children, but
I don't have room for it from a 5 or 8 year old, I certainly don't have time or room for it from a 37 year old. Even with the kids I remind them regularly to use their words to ask for what they want/need, but no meanness, no angry words, whining,  blaming, these are actually unintelligible to me. Does not compute. I'm choosing to hang out somewhere else. Soon I'll have a fed, dry, warm, small baby that is still crying and that is practice enough in patience.
And I realized the other day he would blame my unborn child if you asked him, it was the getting married, learning how to be 3rd parent someone else's children. Rather than a dysfunctional pattern, that I am calling out as combative and unhealthy. I wouldn't diagnose family but he is tripolar~the third being angry. He is the only person to criticize me for becoming less available with pregnancy and parenting.
Suddenly all of the communication; real, rocky and attempted, became glaringly clear and apparent, transparent and unacceptable.
(In his defense another dear friend reminded me that from his perspective he has been wronged, repeatedly, and I am just another person letting him down...ouch...so Love, and the question "what is loving?" is apparently rarely simple)

What really is going on in here?
Pregnancy, and motherhood are making big changes within my self, inside and out. As well as the mystery and wonder of this creation of a whole other life, I can't help but wonder about the recent research that shows genetic material from the baby a.) has been found in the maternal bloodstream and brain and b.) I joke, but should this child reach their due date (yes please!) they will be an Aries and that is a different temperament from my peace-loving Libra self. This child will be my first, but third youngest in this house and family line to some strong willed, very smart (darling, loving and delicious) siblings. Maybe it's my MamaBear coming on to a higher level. Maybe I am already learning, absorbing, reflecting that stronger boundaried nature of the being that I carry within me, the human I will be "dancing" with in the glorious dance that is parenting and endless learning, infinite heart expanding. I hear this labor, delivery and birth thing is a real Journey and character builder, whatever is going on in there is surely just the holographic preview of more amazing and awesome changes to come.