Body Rockin'

We need body rocking, not perfection. ("Body Moving" Beastie Boys 1998)

Warning: The following is written by a skinny bitch (though I prefer the term "slender" truly)...and I am writing frankly about my own unique experience. I do not mean to demean, compete with, or offend anyone who hasn't yet come to peace with their own bodies and the myriad unique expressions of feminine gorgeousness. Just because I'm generally littler (growing every minute!) does not mean that you being bigger is any less delicious, in fact you may be much much more bodacious. Anyway, this ain't no competition! If it will bother you, simply skip this post. Thanks.

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It probably has clear enough origins 37 years ago, or 36 1/2 years ago, when my dad persuaded my mom when I was six months old to take me off breastmilk and put me on formula because I wasn't gaining weight quickly enough. (Combine first year medical resident with new father and you get a worrier, combine 6 month old with dairy formula and you get earaches and amoxicillin). Fact is, I have been low on the weight chart since the beginning it seems. The joke is I take after my Grandfather Vic who was a skinny-minny up to the very end, despite eating spaghetti every other day and carbs without pause, which was evidenced by the small nibbles missing out of any cake or bread my Grandma made and left in plain view where he could find it...

My heaviest was freshman year college (classic) when I discovered vegetarianism, but wasn't yet eating vegetables. This is a terrible combination anyway, but especially in a dormitory setting where they have Cheerios and Lucky Charms on tap, pizza and grilled cheese by the tray and I had friends who were over 21 and able to procure liquid carbohydrates for us. Still, and I thank my Mom and Grandma for these genes, I can fluctuate a broad 15-20 pounds and few would notice.

Jump ahead to this joyfully welcomed pregnancy; an event I have been awaiting eagerly for over a decade, deferring through medical school, holding out past the interviewing of potential baby daddys, negotiating carefully with my darling new husband who's two young children are finally at the age that doesn't require constant supervision. (though this was of course hashed out thoroughly before any proposal) 

And as soon as the pre-period bloat didn't recede, and the positive test, I was all convinced the topography was changing. A few weeks in and I'm showing him my slightly barely bloated belly, "Honey! Look! I have a belly!" "It's beautiful Dear", he says accommodatingly, and knowing full well from his prior experience just how very belly this situation will get. 

And then there are some of the more unexpected reactions people have. 

For instance, when I broke the pregnancy news to my mother, one of her first comments was, "You'll finally be overweight!" Um, okay.

Another friend, as I was 17 weeks in and marveling at this sweet pooch protruding over my waistline, and complaining that the rubber-band girth hitch wasn't cutting it anymore on the wardrobe expansion plan for the jeans that used to require a belt to be worn in public at all."Jen, I'm going to vomit" she says, "you are so tiny!"

Which was oddly ouchy because here I was enraptured with the changes I am undergoing, and I feel like I am significantly different than I have ever felt in this body! I realized right about then that you really can't talk to everyone about everything along this pregnancy journey. No problem. (how about I blog publicly on the internet instead...hmmmm.) Though I do hope the disclaimer at the beginning of this blog post will have deterred anyone else who may take offense at being exposed to my diminutive musings. Meanwhile I'm just tripped out and loving (almost) every minute.

And then there was last week in yoga class, and mind you this is a studio started by a midwife, catering specifically to pregnant moms, mama baby yoga etc. You think I would have noticed on my way in, and yet... The woman next to me leans over as we are settling in before class and says "You know this is a prenatal yoga class right? Like for pregnant women?"

Can't you all see this belly! and I've got boobs! Actual breasts requiring a bra, which move when I run up or down the stairs! Never before seen in this territory! I told her if she knew me 4 months ago she would be able to tell something was different. She is also 8 whole weeks ahead of me, which is a significant difference. In eight weeks I don't think anyone will be doubting why I am elbowing my way to the front of the ladies bathroom line. But, I guess I'll wait a little while longer before the "Baby on Board" T-shirt.

Food 1:Appetizers and Seconds

It used to be that before I was pregnant, as I am the slowest eater in the house, there was often food left on my plate when everyone else was done. At that time, feeding the 8 year old especially was a priority, because though she is a small girl child, she would rather be a hummingbird. Meaning, she would much prefer sugar, all things sugary, to any protein. I have made it one of my personal missions in life to expand her dietary repertoire to include regular protein and good quality fats, and if I had some breakfast sausage on my plate and she was hungry, well, "we can share it" I would say.
Quite quickly after becoming pregnant we learned this was no longer the case...There we are at the table and the kids are eying my plate and from deep deep within comes this frightening low growl of "DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT". Whoa! and then we all laughed and now they may eye my food longingly, but they then look up at me and say "I know, I know, I won't even ask."
From that has evolved a most awesome and unexpected thing. When there is say, one piece of cheese left, the girl more than the boy, will often hand it to me and say "This is for the baby".
"Thanks!" I say with my mouth full and smiling.
I truly never thought I would take food from children, but it's not really a rational thought process any longer, and I can easily justify it, this is for their younger sibling, the smaller child, right?

Early on in the first trimester of pregnancy I wasn't so nauseous as some friends I have heard horror stories from. Thankfully no vomiting, except for that close call the one time our girl had food poisoning and I was trying to clean up her vomit..But there was a quality of "seasickness" that would come on, more so in the afternoon or evening than morning, and especially if I was at all hungry. That is a truly poor design, but seems to be the case with this wild adventure, here you are hungry and nothing sounds appetizing at all, the thought or smell of food itself makes the bile rise. The longer you go without eating the more screwed you are. My sister tells me about young pregnant teenagers who would come into the ED with intractable vomiting and report they "hadn't eaten for days". It can quickly become serious, and violent.
So I learned somehow, by glorious divine inspiration, that the reliably best appetizer, at least for us in summer, was watermelon. I would cut away the green, leave most of the white rind and liquify it in the Vitamix. Heaven. I graduated to adding strawberries and lime juice (hold the tequila) and this was a blissful daily requirement before eating. So scrumptious and satisfying and enough of a beginning that I could then even consider the idea of food and make my way to more protein and fat rich meals.
I must've consumed 5 whole watermelons on my own in a two month span, pints and pints of strawberries, and it was one of those things I tried to share with the family and none of them felt quite the same joy as I, in fact mostly they turned their noses up. Ah well, more for me!
The academic in me did look it up, I had to know, what is the glycemic index of watermelon? Is this a ridiculous path to certain ruin? especially with the concerns of gestational diabetes etc. Turns out watermelon is well recommended for those concerned with blood sugar, it is after all mostly water. I was probably doing myself a great favor with leaving on the bitter white rind, and adding the lime. With the juicy strawberries and the fact I learned that watermelon has more lycopene than tomatoes, it was probably a just right food for that exact timing of cardiovascular development and it prepared me for the ridiculousness of myriad answers to the question "What am I hungry for?" Because my prior eating habits are now pretty much out the window. Kale, who was a B.F.F., now tastes like fresh cut grass, ew! And I have found myself bribing myself, as I would bribe the aforementioned 8 year old, "If you eat your broccoli you can have the gluten free waffle..."I mean, you just can't gain weight on vegetables, right?
As fruit has moved to occupy a much more significant role in my diet, it is still very specific and focused. From watermelon on to daily black mission figs (Hey, three a day keeps a preggo girl regular!) and as the availability of those are waning after a lovely couple months I am now on to at least 2 pomegranates a week. Delish. So happy.
"Any odd cravings?" folks have asked. Not to the degree that I have heard about, or that I am anticipating with great curiosity. I have been surprised by the exponentially increasing interest in cookies some of you have already heard about. I previously "liked" cookies, sure, but was much more of a chocolate girl. Bitter, dark chocolate, a bar or two a week. Within 2 weeks of being pregnant I noticed there were bars piling up in the pantry (props and love to my dear husband who was steadily continuing to bring them home each grocery trip) Me lost my taste for chocolate!!?! Maybe the Mayans were right, this may be how the world ends...
But no, I can eat the shit out of a pan of gf chocolate brownies..and Pamela's gf cookies? Full frontal sugar and all? Oh happiness! Which leads me to feel this baby is certainly of my blood line, and may even be male, as my father and brothers will do ANYTHING for cookies. Seriously, ask them, anything.
Turns out my husband's family are also cookie monsters, so in case we were worried about immaculate conception or anything, I think that's ruled out. Though I imagine God/dess loves cookies too.

Let's Start in the Middle

So I will have some catching up to do as I am at 20 weeks, which is considered halfway through, but I have been encouraged more than once to write about my pregnancy experience. So, as much as any of you can find the humor in it, I am happy to share my adventures on the beginning of what I anticipate will be one of the wildest rides of my life. Parenthood.
For starters, right away I noticed math goes out the window. You miss your period and though my understanding of biology and anatomy makes it clear to me that actual conception happened with ovulation and therefore mid-cycle, which was approximately two weeks prior, positive test at first day missed? and viola! You are 4 weeks pregnant.
Kind of sweet when you are looking at 40 weeks of all sorts of interesting and unexpected experiences, phew! those first two weeks? All things considered, were a breeze.
Now about that 40 weeks gestation, and I acknowledge in relation to the pregnancy of say, an elephant at two years(!) I am feeling okay with human gestation, but how is 40 weeks equivalent to 9 months if generally months are 4 weeks plus a couple days? Do they just say 9 months to make you feel better because 10 months sounds like almost a year? Or is it including that wiggle room of the first two weeks being actually the, um, coital weeks shall we say, and perhaps they rounded the numbers to include the variation on the actually delivery time on the tail end of this grand adventure. Or is it simply that the "old math" no longer applies.
Because then there was that day in class as I was teaching Anatomy, about week 7 of pregnancy (accepting common nomenclature, so yes actually 5 weeks and only just barely beginning to feel funny(funnier) than usual). My sweet students looking up at me with their brows furrowed, the bravest says, "Dr.Jen? I think you made a mistake with the scoring on the midterm". So my own math also went out the window, probably as I was trying to wrap my head around the whole 40 weeks is 9 months thing. Thankfully my usually more than adequate math skills were only offline for a couple weeks, but I actually could write the formula for what I was trying to do, which was toss out a couple questions that more than half the class missed, put it over the new total and give extra credit to the students who had gotten those right. Somehow I had knocked everyone's points down, and I just couldn't confidently reconcile the math! I actually ended up emailing one of the students privately that evening and asking him to confirm what I thought was the solution (add two points to everyone's score).
Seems so simple now!
So on from addition & subtraction, how about algorithms such as~If I buy these maternity pants that fit now, will they really stretch enough to fit four months from now? Is this even possible?! I ask the lady at the store? She assured me it was. I'll let you know.